Night time Fear in Motherhood: Why It Happens and How to Ground Yourself
Fear, in mothers.
I want to talk about something that many mothers experience but rarely say out loud - fear and intrusive thoughts that can show up in the quiet of night.
We have fear. It can feel so deep rooted and awfully confusing. We can happily be staring into the eyes of our baby and BAM, intrusive thought. And now we have spiralled from a place of calm into a place of fear. Now we are wrestling with our thoughts, trying to stay steady on our feet when life feels so damn confusing, all within a matter of minutes.
For me, my fear comes in waves. But it tends to be the loudest at night time, when distractions are less. When it's me, myself, and my thoughts. The fear is so loud at times it leaves me shaking. Last night was one of those nights.
I needed a resource. I was laying in bed wondering, where is this coming from?
I woke up, my daughter woke up too. She laid in my arms as I journalled. I needed to stop spiralling. I needed to ground myself in the present.
Can we talk about the dark?
The dark brings some primitive experiences up for us. Darkness is usually a place where fear can sneak in.
Just know, you're having a normal human experience.
Research in evolutionary psychology suggests that darkness increases perceived threat because our ability to visually scan the environment is reduced. When vision is limited, the brain assumes risk may be present and heightens vigilance.
Your brain’s threat detection system activates , hello amygdala. The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for processing fear and keeping us alert to danger. When sensory information is reduced, like in darkness, the amygdala becomes more reactive.
So cool- we know there is research around darkness and fear.
But what can we do to resource ourselves?
Send it up, mama.
Whether you're spiritual or not, send your fear somewhere.
“Hello universe. I feel scared in my body right now. This feels too heavy. I want to send it up to you.”
You are a spiritual being with energy pulsing through your body - send it up.
Turn on the light.
Get yourself a red light bulb, so it doesn’t disrupt your circadian rhythm. Red light has minimal impact on melatonin, so it allows your body to stay in a restful state while giving your nervous system a sense of safety.
Journal.
Write it down. Talk to the piece of yourself that is scared and lonely. Even if you have a baby in your bed and you're worried about waking them - write it down. You need to release that energy before it consumes you.
Plant medicine.
I rely heavily on plant medicine. I use tinctures - one of them is called Calm Mama. It’s punchy, but it brings me right back to my body when the night feels tricky.
You are capable women. Your body and mind know how to find their way back to safety.
Sources
Grillon, C., Pellowski, M., Merikangas, K., & Davis, M. (1997). Darkness facilitates the acoustic startle reflex in humans.Biological Psychiatry, 42(6), 453–460.
Mobbs, D., Hagan, C. C., Dalgleish, T., Silston, B., & Prévost, C. (2015). The ecology of human fear: survival optimization and the nervous system. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 9, 55.
LeDoux, J. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184.
Cajochen, C. (2007). Alerting effects of light. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 11(6), 453–464.
